So I am going to start to say that I am going to talk about my mental health right now, I need to place to vent and I have decided to do that here. So if you don’t want to read this, you don’t have to. I am doing this more for myself, like I said to vent.
So right now I am at the verge of tears. The last few weeks have been tough for me. As so far of working on my depression, it is going well. But there is a center to all of this, which eventually made me go into a depression and which have made my image of myself negative. I have made a Youtube video about, here. So if you want to know more you can watch that.
But as of right now in my therapy I am working on the center of my problems, which means my father. My therapist suggested that I should write a letter to him, not particular send it, but just write that. After 6 weeks of putting it off I have finally writing it because it was effecting my mental state. I was constantly thinking about writing the letter and what I would put into it. I started to feel bad about myself, until I broke down.
After my break down. I decided with my mom that I would write it the next Tuesday, so she would be home to be there for me. And I did write it, I wrote it in under a hour and I cried after that, but when I was finished I felt very good about myself and overall I just felt good.
Now the letter wasn’t the only thing I had to do, that was step one. Step two would be to put the thoughts I had while writing/reading the letter on paper, and this is actually the hardest part. Tomorrow I have therapy again and I just wrote them like an hour ago. And I feel so bad right now.
Right now I just don’t know what to do with myself and my feelings. I feel like a complete mess. I think in my head I thought that I would be ‘fixed’ once I had written the letter, but now I am realizing that hasn’t happened at all. I get sad and angry again when I read the letter. I am overall frustrated with myself and I don’t get myself.
I am wondering if this goes this deep, how long will it take me to get over this, to give this a place. When will this end? So yeah, right now I am not doing so great.
So if you read all this, thank you so much. Sorry for this negative post. You don’t have to comment if you don’t know how to respond to this. To be honest I wouldn’t know how to respond to this. But thank you for reading 🙂
I update you guys tomorrow on how therapy went and what we are planning to do. And now I am going to read a bit of Our Dark Duet before going to bed.